Volume 10, Number 5: 

Does Your Pilot Have Personality?

Does your favorite pilot truly have the type of personality flair that makes for memorable games, Marty Stever jokes, and future trivia questions? Those scoring 100 points or more on the following quiz do indeed, have character. Those scoring 50 points or less should be intentionally destroyed, retired, or at the very least, reprimanded.

• 50 points if this pilot has been on your roster for over 10 years but has less than 3 missions.
• If his primary aircraft has any number of wings except two, count 10 points.
• If he has ever shot his own wingman, count 800 points.
• If his guns invariably jam on the fifth turn of tailing a crippled opponent, count 50 points.
• If his first name rhymes with "Florence," or his last name includes the words "Tea" or "Pan," count 200 points (Indy players are rolling here; others are scratching their heads).
• Count 20 points for each time his name has been misspelled in the Dispatch.
• If he has been passed over for 3 consecutive promotions or failed on at least 2 medal rolls, count 150 points.
• Subtract 25 points if his name includes "Christian," "Johnson," or "von."
• Count 15 points for every top attack hes made on SE 5s. 30 if he did it on purpose. 100 if the SE 5 was on his side. 1,000 if it shot back.
• Add 20 points for every lost cut and 50 points for every player who refuses to fly with him.
• Add 1,000 points for each instance of remorseless atrocity. Shots at burning planes count double.
• Add 90 points for each blatantly stolen kill.
• If his name could be stamped on the bumper of a 1967 Volkswagon Beetle and not look strange, or if it could double as a kitchen appliance, add 100 points.

Pilots who have survived a parachute failure or an intentional overdive of more than 200 feet qualify automatically. Take this vital test and ask yourselfdoes my favorite pilot have personality?